Maybe I’ve told you this story before? I was a freshman in high school in Mr. Polly’s social studies class at Mayfair High School in Bellflower. The TV was wheeled in on the A/V cart and we were watching the historic shuttle launch of the Challenger. My memory goes fuzzy here, except that I can see myself in the dimly lit portable, see the TV cart, and feel the shock when the shuttle exploded.
That night I went home and said my prayers, as I did during that period of my life: Our Father, Hail Mary, a couple other more minor prayers from the Catechism, and then ending it with some requests. But instead of asking for a pony or a poodle, I begged God to let me trade places with the teacher-turned-astronaut Christa McAullife, that she may live. I did this every night. For how long, I don’t remember.
Because her life was more valuable, more worthy, than my own?
After a while it became clear that No, I would not be taking her place among the dead and giving her my own instead. Life as I knew it went on. Flash many years forward, well into my marriage, to my recounting this story to my incredulous husband.
He knows me well enough to know that this kind of self-sacrifice is totally on brand for me. He calls it “dying for the astronaut”. I am a generally unselfish person. If someone needs help, I offer it. If something unpleasant needs to be done, I volunteer. I am terrible with boundaries. I hold no grudges. I seldom complain, or if I do, it’s on someone else’s behalf. I like feeling needed, feeling helpful, even or especially when it’s unrewarded. But often I am left feeling emotionally drained.
So here it is: I’m done dying for the astronaut.
For most of the people who know me, you won’t even notice a difference. You’re not who I’ve been killing myself for.
The other ones? They won’t notice either, but I will—hopefully—feel a little lighter. Carve out more time to say Yes to the things that matter most to me.
Thank you for this post. I experience many of the same issues— especially with boundaries and overcommitting.
I think it would be well to plan and rehearse statements to use. "I already have heavy plans for that quarter...I'm not doing that role much anymore...Let me see if one of my colleagues can help you...I am so tied up with a new book I'm writing..." One would preface with "Oh, that sounds so interesting...Ordinarily I would love to do that..." I read that people will agreeably accept almost any turn-down if given a semblance of a reason or excuse.